Archive for May, 2009

Edna Weatherspindle

May 28th, 2009


One of the first recorded “umbrella warriors”, not much is known about Edna apart from what is described in the famous volume, Tales of Edna Weatherspindle, which focuses particularly on her life-long battle with the necromancer Dalsfveg.

She apparently took up the umbrella at quite a young age, and was instrumental in the defense of her town from a roving band of undead poultry. This event solidified the fame of both her and her umbrella “Sleetbane”, and probably marks the origin of her surname. Afterward, Edna essentially took on the duties of a knight errant, wandering the land and delivering swift and spiteful justice as needed. In fact, age seemed not to dampen her fortitude, but instead intensified the aforementioned swiftness and spitefulness until there were scant few evildoers who would not run screaming at the sight of a flowing pink nightgown and raised tangerine umbrella.

Attempts to place Edna within the context of the greater historical timeline are never conclusive, but most scholars believe we can at least target the Middle Ages with a decent amount of certainty. (The fact that the “black plague” is mentioned multiple times is less helpful than it sounds, as this was probably just a reference to the exploits of the Crowmonger during Edna’s childhood.)

Of course, a Medieval timeframe begs the question, was Edna the lost second apprentice of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, and if so, was she aware of Lord Couch and his more official branch of the art? Unfortunately, we may never know.

Illustrator, Seals, Umbraverse

Lord Couch

May 27th, 2009


A lowly son of a Camelot upholsterer, faced with an impossible quest to break a curse placed on his family by the dark taxidermist, Mourlpod. His future looked impossibly bleak until the night he was visited by a very old, very short woman who offered to teach him the arts to escape his predicament in return for his allegiance.

In the years that followed, he rose to both lordship, and knighthood, striking fear into the hearts of evildoers with his wyrd implements of war, which the old woman had taught him to wield. In time, he formed a secret organization in like appearance to his mentor’s past following, teaching them the use of his arms and sent them out to carry bruises to the darkness. And this so-called League of Umbrellas survives to this day.

Illustrator, Seals, Umbraverse

Welcome to

May 26th, 2009

New features include:

An easy to use, condensed format for Agatha’s Hatchet directly underneath our nice new header, complete with the never-before-seen chapter two, with illustrations on the way.

A historical overview of all the principal umbralites and their seals, updating every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

And hopefully more posts in the future, seeing as I am no longer working on the site.


Agatha’s Hatchet: Chapter the Second

May 26th, 2009

“It was a dark and stormy night.”

Wilberforce lowered his binoculars wearily, “What was?”

His companion, never taking his eyes from the alleyway before them, merely shrugged.

“In that case, I’m not sure I understand,” Wilberforce winced as he said it. He felt that this particular statement was a bit on the redundant side; it was something he had been pointedly not saying all week.

Again, a shrug, “It felt like it needed to be said.”

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Lobelia Sackville-Baggins

May 26th, 2009


The sixth Istar, bearer of the Umbrella of Westerness, sleeper agent of the Valar, the first umbralite in recorded history.

As opposed to the other Istari, her charge was the fourth age and every age thereafter. She waited out the War of the Ring, posing as just another Shire denizen, but once Souron was overthrown and her compatriots were preparing to depart, she faked her own death and vanished from the Shire forever. She is attributed with the death of Shelob and the final defeat of the man once known as the Mouth of Souron. For hundreds of years she led small bands of devoted followers in secret missions to combat the forces of evil. Her ultimate fate is unknown, the last record of her actions being from the Arthurian era where she passed the secrets of umbrella combat, and the mandate of the Valar, over to Lord Couch.

Illustrator, Seals, Umbraverse