Comments on: Chapter The First http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/ Not vigilantes. Just grumpy. Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:29:50 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: idreamwing http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-68 idreamwing Mon, 22 Sep 2008 06:31:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-68 It just occured to me that I think I was saying the wrong flower name all day.<br/>... *embarrassed* Sorry? It just occured to me that I think I was saying the wrong flower name all day.
… *embarrassed* Sorry?

]]> By: idreamwing http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-67 idreamwing Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:28:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-67 Time for uber-long reaction, compiled as I read through your first chapter:<br/>The idea of a burglar under magnolias is terrific. It sums up Filbert's character with fantasticity before he even has to say a word. <br/>And of course infiltrators wear a specific kind of hat. How else would you know they are infiltrators? You have so many great one-liners in here, you've obviously been strongly influenced by Terry Pratchett and do a great job of taking his style and running off with it. <br/>-"(he had always wanted a nemesis)" - doesn't everyone? It's a neat twist of character that he wants to be normal and not a burglar, yet still wants a nemesis.<br/>-"Filbert quickly scanned the grounds for signs of any large dogs or small grandchildren the occupant of the house might have left behind to devour the unsuspecting intruder." I love the fact that both are apparently willing to devour intruders. <br/>The 'rear door' description is really well done. You paint a clear picture of it in the reader's mind, and it reminds me of the Viking sign reading "You must be this tall to raid and pillage this town" in The Far Side.<br/>-"He found a light switch and, because he suddenly had remembered about fingerprints, flicked it on with his nose." This line made me lauuugh~ what if there are NOSEPRINTS Filbert? You could be identified! <br/>- "faded blue upholstery" - I am losing track of the things that make me snicker in here...<br/>- "The coffee table in front of the largest sofa looked rather promising; it bore a small glass case, a framed picture, and a small stack of books." - you might want to say the 'contents of the coffee table'. For a minute there, I thought he was going to try to carry it out of the house, which would be an example of poor buglary indeed.<br/>-"Nothing can stop the inevitable! That's what the word means!" ... XD<br/>-"Positioned conspicuously near this note was a small glass vile filled with a forbidding clear liquid." You want 'vial', not 'vile' here, though it certainly does seem to be the latter. =3<br/>-"...medieval arch villain and wants to be sure everyone knows it" - this is a fantastic description. I have the perfect picture in mind.<br/><br/>In other words? Your humor is great. You've got a very interesting plot started, with a most innocuous of weapons (an UMBRELLA?) and I'm intrigued. Keep writing. =) Time for uber-long reaction, compiled as I read through your first chapter:
The idea of a burglar under magnolias is terrific. It sums up Filbert’s character with fantasticity before he even has to say a word.
And of course infiltrators wear a specific kind of hat. How else would you know they are infiltrators? You have so many great one-liners in here, you’ve obviously been strongly influenced by Terry Pratchett and do a great job of taking his style and running off with it.
-”(he had always wanted a nemesis)” – doesn’t everyone? It’s a neat twist of character that he wants to be normal and not a burglar, yet still wants a nemesis.
-”Filbert quickly scanned the grounds for signs of any large dogs or small grandchildren the occupant of the house might have left behind to devour the unsuspecting intruder.” I love the fact that both are apparently willing to devour intruders.
The ‘rear door’ description is really well done. You paint a clear picture of it in the reader’s mind, and it reminds me of the Viking sign reading “You must be this tall to raid and pillage this town” in The Far Side.
-”He found a light switch and, because he suddenly had remembered about fingerprints, flicked it on with his nose.” This line made me lauuugh~ what if there are NOSEPRINTS Filbert? You could be identified!
- “faded blue upholstery” – I am losing track of the things that make me snicker in here…
- “The coffee table in front of the largest sofa looked rather promising; it bore a small glass case, a framed picture, and a small stack of books.” – you might want to say the ‘contents of the coffee table’. For a minute there, I thought he was going to try to carry it out of the house, which would be an example of poor buglary indeed.
-”Nothing can stop the inevitable! That’s what the word means!” … XD
-”Positioned conspicuously near this note was a small glass vile filled with a forbidding clear liquid.” You want ‘vial’, not ‘vile’ here, though it certainly does seem to be the latter. =3
-”…medieval arch villain and wants to be sure everyone knows it” – this is a fantastic description. I have the perfect picture in mind.

In other words? Your humor is great. You’ve got a very interesting plot started, with a most innocuous of weapons (an UMBRELLA?) and I’m intrigued. Keep writing. =)

]]> By: The Oracle of the Closet http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-60 The Oracle of the Closet Sun, 13 Jul 2008 01:38:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-60 That would be cheating, but I never object to another Edna picture... That would be cheating, but I never object to another Edna picture…

]]> By: Nathan http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-59 Nathan Sat, 12 Jul 2008 22:43:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-59 <i>“Nothing can stop the inevitable!” cried Filbert as he jabbed the play button. “That’s what the word means!”</i><br/><br/>I think that's my favorite bit. Smashing job on the rest too, though.<br/><br/>As for the illustration, maybe I should just cheat and do the cover for <a HREF="http://www.albinokraken.com/2007/08/the-umbrella-warrior/" REL="nofollow"><i>Tales of Edna Weatherspindle</i></a>... “Nothing can stop the inevitable!” cried Filbert as he jabbed the play button. “That’s what the word means!”

I think that’s my favorite bit. Smashing job on the rest too, though.

As for the illustration, maybe I should just cheat and do the cover for Tales of Edna Weatherspindle…

]]> By: Josiah http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-58 Josiah Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:46:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-58 It's not my fault it's confusing. It’s not my fault it’s confusing.

]]> By: The Oracle of the Closet http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-57 The Oracle of the Closet Fri, 11 Jul 2008 00:09:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-57 Okay, I take that back, Aunt Madelyn showed up but that only makes a grand total of three so far. Okay, I take that back, Aunt Madelyn showed up but that only makes a grand total of three so far.

]]> By: Josiah http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-56 Josiah Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:35:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-56 I find the number of aunts and trying to keep them straight quite befuddling. I find the number of aunts and trying to keep them straight quite befuddling.

]]> By: The Oracle of the Closet http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-55 The Oracle of the Closet Wed, 09 Jul 2008 18:15:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-55 I suppose I can admit to that. I suppose I can admit to that.

]]> By: Rachel http://umbralite.com/2008/07/chapter-the-first/comment-page-1/#comment-54 Rachel Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:48:00 +0000 http://umbralite.com/?p=48#comment-54 Yay! Very good. Does the white umbrella have a poodle handle? I like the description of the interior of the house. Yay! Very good. Does the white umbrella have a poodle handle? I like the description of the interior of the house.

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